I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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