if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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