he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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