just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
