May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
