dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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