he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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