He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
