So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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