It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
