I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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