White coat. Heels.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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