It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
