well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
