she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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