Your face is a jimmy john
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
