Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
