I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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