let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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