If that was your dad, he is hot
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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