so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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