i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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