please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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