he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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