Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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