walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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