In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
