We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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