4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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