you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
