But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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