After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.