Me. At least after what I've been through.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.