I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
