Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL