Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?