When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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