He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She announced her abortion via fbk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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