Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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