And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
