Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
