if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
