why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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