I'm gonna have a badass scar
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
