Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
