I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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