I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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