I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
