Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure