3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans