u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.