I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
