Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me