I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob