Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
