Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
