Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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