she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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