I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
