I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
