another moral hangover. fuck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
