That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
