obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
there is puke in my bra ... again
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.