morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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