If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry about my life...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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