I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
