What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
