i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
