What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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