margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize