You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
