do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dick very happy bro
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize