She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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