this beer tastes like vomit already
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
