dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
